Finding Myself in the Window

Finding Myself in the Window: How One Concept Helped Me Feel "Normal" Again

For a long time, I didn’t have the words for what I was feeling.

There were seasons where I felt unstoppable—full of energy, excitement, and ideas. Especially in university, I would come alive around deadlines, staying up all night, hyper-focused and wildly productive. It felt like I had unlocked a version of myself that was firing on all cylinders. And honestly, sometimes it felt amazing.

But the crash always came.

Other days, I could barely move. I would spiral into hopelessness so quickly it left me breathless. I remember having suicidal thoughts that terrified me—not because I wanted to die, but because they showed up anyway. There was a deep disconnect between what I knew to be true (that I didn’t want to end my life) and what my mind was screaming at me. It felt like I was living in extremes, bouncing between emotional whiplash and numbness, with no way to explain it.

I wondered what was wrong with me. Was I dealing with bipolar disorder? Was I just broken?

Then, I was introduced to a concept that changed everything: the Window of Tolerance.

Originally developed by Dr. Dan Siegel (1999), the Window of Tolerance describes the zone in which our nervous system can function well—we can manage stress, connect with others, and respond to life’s challenges with flexibility. When we’re outside that window, we may swing into hyperarousal (racing thoughts, overwhelm, anxiety) or hypoarousal (numbness, shutdown, disconnection).

The first time I saw the diagram, I remember thinking, Wait… this is me. Seeing my experiences mapped out in a clear and compassionate way made me feel—for the first time in a long time—normal. I wasn’t broken. There was a reason I felt the way I did.

But staying in that window? That was foreign. And honestly, uncomfortable. After living so long in the extremes, being regulated felt strange, even boring. I didn’t trust it at first.

With time, support, and lots of inner work, I began learning how to recognize the signs that I was drifting out of my window—and more importantly, how to gently guide myself back in. Through tools like grounding, breathwork, movement, and mindfulness, I’ve built a deeper awareness of what safety feels like in my body. Slowly, I’ve learned to settle into it. To find peace in presence. To want to be there.

The Window of Tolerance gave me more than a theory—it gave me language, self-compassion, and a path toward healing.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by your emotions or disconnected from yourself, know this: you’re not alone. There’s nothing wrong with you. And there is a way back to balance.

Reference:
Siegel, D. J. (1999). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. New York: Guilford Press.